he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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