just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
