help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
