fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
