I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
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