remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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