you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
