I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
