My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
my poor anus
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
