the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I'm both gender and math confused
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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