Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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