i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
