i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
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