I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Church boner. Awkwardddd
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
