Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
She bit a glass in half.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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