Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
