Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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