Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
