I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
