I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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