just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
