My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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