Your dad touched me again.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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