Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
