everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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