Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
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