Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
