On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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