Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
