i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
