If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
