yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Randomize
