covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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