how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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