look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
