And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
