did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
