Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
