My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
