Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
