Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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