I like my sex mixed with concussions.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
