By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
