What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
