morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
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