he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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