Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
