At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
