No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
