No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
