this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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