Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
