just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
