you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
