Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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