Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
