he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
