We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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