My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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