If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
