I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
